Great Political Truths It Took A Long Time To Learn

B.O.H.I.C.A.

Jimmy Stewart in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington"

Thought this might be timely with the debates...

I purposely try to keep political commentary to a minimum on the blog.  I swore off politics long ago to level out my blood pressure.  But just every once in a while current events make me feel a lot like Michael Corleone must have felt.

“Every time I think I’m free, they suck me right back in.”

Corruption, vote buying and arm-twisting in Washington are nothing new.  However, every once in a great while a crew comes along that elevates public bottom-feeding to a new low.  When this happens the cynic in me naturally wants to speak out.  So, in a spirit of bi-partisan benevolence and therapy, I offer these great political revelations that it took decades to learn and that generally apply to both major parties.

1. When a politician gives you a check, don’t wait.  Run to the bank before all the other people who got checks can get there.  The last one to a teller always loses.
2. Yes, politicians want your vote, but they want your money more.
3. Politicians never spend their own money.  Why should they when they have so much of yours lying around?
4. If you find such a rarity as an honest politician, stay away from him.  Like a rogue lion, the mythical honest politician can’t be out-guessed.  The regular, crooked politician is more predictable and much safer. (So is the rogue lion.)
5. Politicians regularly lie about being honest politicians.  (See #4)  Edwin Edwards of Louisiana was the only pol I remember who told the truth about it.  Remember what the truth got him?
6. "Mr. Smith goes to Washington" was a movie.  When the real Mr. Smith goes to DC, any Jimmy Stewart tendencies are discarded upon meeting the first intern, page, or cocktail waitress willing to enjoy your money.
7. “Women and children first” only applied on the Titanic.  In Washington, it's “Interns and barmaids first.”
8. If a tree fell on a politician in the forest, the only sound you would hear is the scream of the last person that tried to cash his check. (See #1.)

The prototype for an honest American politician

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